All The Pain of Yesterday
by jazzybizzle
Summary: Six years. Six long years and she was finally home.


**I have royal family feels, with Zuko and Azula specifically. So here's a thing and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have writing it. It's also my first attempt at writing something of Azula's point of view :] **

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Six years.

Six _long_ years and she was finally _home_.

Azula took in the sights before her with appraising, golden eyes. At least Zuzu didn't ruin everything. The palace appeared the same...But she was sure she'll be able to find something to mess up when she walks in.

"Azula?"

Oh, right. She was good now.

Well, technically.

Her "therapist" came around her carriage to meet her in the middle, a beautiful smile on her olive-toned face. Yes, the very waterbending peasant who chained her down was now her ally and friend. Azula will never understand how Katara was able to put up with her for all this time; she was mean and cruel and bitter in the beginning, when all Katara wanted to do was help her. Whatever peasant voodoo she did helped clear Azula's head some so she won't have to see her stupid mother again.

Finally, she was out of that damned asylum. She thought she'd never leave.

"How do you feel?" Katara asked her carefully.

"As free as a turtleduck," Azula deadpanned.

Katara smiled wider. "Now, remember what we discussed before coming here?"

"That I should attempt to reconcile with my brother and let go of the past," Azula recited in a bored tone, and Katara nodded in approval.

"Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it."

"Yes, I don't need a lecture."

"Also remember - your relationship with your brother may be damaged, but can still be repaired..."

"Haven't you heard the old saying, waterbender? If it's broken, don't fix it."

"Azula...Zuko _loves_ you." Azula snorted. "He's always have, even when your relationship wasn't at its healthiest. And I know you do too."

"Likely." Maybe she does. Maybe a little. Maybe there was a part of her that wished she had the same relationship that Katara had with her brother, Sokka. Maybe there was a part of her that wished her parents hadn't showed favoritism in the family.

Maybe there was a part of her that longed for her youth again; the days where Zuko would protect her from everything when she got scared.

He wasn't there for her at that asylum.

Her lips curled into a snarl.

"Breathe," coached Katara.

Azula did.

"Here he comes," Katara whispered as the guards began to file out; Azula didn't even flinch.

Fire Lord Zuko descended the steps, his emotions suppressed underneath his blank mask. Like Azula, he too had changed. He stood a lot taller and his hair was getting longer again, shoulders broad and strong, stature long and lean.

His eyes fell on Katara first as she bowed, and Azula did not miss the burning radiance in his stare.

_Oh?_

"Leave us," Zuko commanded, and the guards didn't protest - although Azula was pretty sure they wanted to - and did what they were told.

His eyes met hers for the first time in years.

Oh what she wanted to do to him. She wanted to taunt him, she wanted to torture him, she wanted to _murder_ him. Wipe him off the face of the earth.

_Breathe_.

As calm and conniving she normally was, there was always some kind of inner turmoil that no one knew about - well, excluding Katara at this point -which was why it hurt so much when Mai and Ty Lee betrayed her. She might have treated them badly, but they were still her friends.

Zuko didn't speak. Neither did she. Neither did Katara.

But all three of them waited on Azula to make the first move.

Azula's feet were moving before her mind could make a decision. Each step brought a painful memory, each more painful than the last. Ursa calling her a monster. Ursa leaving. Zuko leaving. Zuko still angry at her. Zuko taking her friends away. Her throne. Her _life_-

She's right in front of him now. Zuko visibly tensed. She smirked. What a fool.

Her fist shot forward, and his hand shot up in front of him in defense, his much larger hand nearly swallowing hers whole. He still didn't say a word, but his eyes narrowed down at her, and Katara winced.

Azula's throat felt tight. _Oh no. No no no. I will not show weakness. I am not my brother._

But hot tears blurred her vision, and all her walls came crashing down at once. Truly vulnerable, afraid, _exposed_, her face fell against his chest, and her arms wrapped tightly around his torso, like she used to do when they were children.

The last thing she expected for him to do was reciprocate.

Zuko's arms were around her just as firmly, his own eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Azula felt ridiculously small, and for some reason she felt..._safe_.

_Damn you, Katara_.

Zuko left when Azula was eleven, not being able to protect her from their father.

Zuko left again when Azula was fourteen, not being able to protect her from herself.

And when he left for the final time, it was too late. Her demons won.

Her body sank to the ground in defeat, and he still held her, following suit. Katara felt like this moment was a little too private and looked away, batting away her own tears. Zuko held Azula tight to him, his thumbs absentmindedly stroking the back of her shoulder blades. Not bothering to say a word. Azula was _very_ disappointed with herself for letting her worthless emotions making her weak in front of Zuko and the peasant yet _again_.

Zuko.

Her brother.

The only family member she had left - that she's now realizing she would never want to _lose_.

Because during their time apart she craved something deeper.

She craved to be his equal.

She craved to be wanted by her mother too.

And she never got it.

Because she was, and forever will be, a _monster_.

And no one could ever love her.

Zuko squeezed her tighter as if to say otherwise.


End file.
